A Vapemas Carol

Posted in Food For Thought

Dec 24, 11

Joebenezer went to bed that uneventful Christmas Eve.. Eve with little in his mind outside the overpowering thought of mailman stalking, his vapemail was late and the post was closed for the holidays.. making Joebenezer very gloomy..

As he drifted into sleep he was startled by the sound of chains and was awaken with a shrilling voice. His pulse was racing like a squirrel on caffeine as his eyes opened to gaze at a ghostly figure. Semi transparent and formed by just a thin layer of vapor. It was the Vape of Christmas past!

- Joebenezer, his voice boomed across the room, Christmas is in danger; Due to inadequacies in the tracking system the toys were finished late after an overdue delivery to the workshop from China, and it is crucial that no further delays occur. Your mission should you choose to accept it is to make sure no further misshaps happen in the deliveries, this vape will self destruct in 5 seconds.

*queue the music.. tatadara tatadara (I dont dare use the actual movie intro..)*

Joebenezer jumps out of bed already determined not to fail in his task, he grabs his towel, you always need to know where your towel is if you want to make it in this Vaping Impossible business, and rushes to the train station.. if he rushes he can make the 12:35 polar express.

The train ride was on time and he had the company of the mayor of the lollipop guild to keep him entertained on the otherwise boring trip to Santas Workshop.

Once there he was startled to find The Grinch working for Santa, he started moving towards to investigate when a slow whisper caught his attention, someone was calling him to the shadowy part behind some crates. He gazed to find a familiar figure, it was the world renowned Vapes Bond, Agent 00LR with a License to Stack.

- What are you doing here 00LR? He said in a low voice, realizing the discretion required.
- I’m on a mission, for Her Majesty’s Vapey Service. We suspect The Grinch is a double agent
- You mean he’s vaping savory?
- Yes, and working for both sides
- Well, isn’t The Grinch supposed to be bad to begin with?
- Well yeah..
- And he’s pretending to be good to work here?
- Yeah..
- That’s just an agent Vapes, surely 00LR knows the difference
- Whatevah!

Becoming alarmed to their existence The Grinch quickly grabbed a box of toys and hopped into a fast car, making a run for it.

With a nod the two vapegents understood their parts, Joebenezer was to take inventory of what was missing (cause I’m having trouble writing them both into the story right now and I need him to sit out) and Vapes Bond would be on the pursuit.

After a nice long “toot”, can’t have 00LR lose his cool, Vapes Bond jumped into the Batmobile and started skidding across the ice, hot on the tail of the grinchmobile… the pursuit takes them all the way to Halloweentown where in an unfortunate hard left turn the boxes fall out the vehicle and smash into a gazzillion pieces, the two cars keep on the heated pursuit never to be heard of again (until the next story anyway) The locals rush to help but are to unfamiliar with the toys, it’s time for some decisive action. Jack Vapington rushes to the top of Halloweentowns tallest pumpkin and starts the Ginger-signal, in a flash the Gingerbread Cookie Man, Halloweentowns friendly neighborhood superhero comes to the rescue, along with his trusted sidekick Custard (he’s British).

Parts flying, boxes getting stacked, yet another job well done by the Ginger-duo with their secret weapon.. duct tape. The last toy is getting reboxed and goes on the pile just as Joebenezer shows up in his little Ford Focus (Vape Impossible Team isn’t as well funded as Her Majesty’s Vapey Service.. obviously)

Convinced to keep to the schedule Joebenezer pulls out the big guns (erm, metaphorically.. he is actually unarmed) and skypes Santa with the GPS location of the toys.. as if by Christmas miracle (yeah I needed a miracle to make this bit work.. unlike the very believable story so far) Santa was already in the area in his brand new twin turbo charged W12 sleigh (750 brake reindeer-power), just one brief swoop to the ground and the toys are safely on their way for a timely delivery Christmas is saved..

And next time you complain about your vapemail being slow around xmas.. remember how much it goes throught to get there..

THE END!

PS. Don’t drink and write

PPS. If you are any major license-holder of any of the characters cloned for the story.. please don’t sue me.. pwetty please.. with sugar on top.. and a cherry *attempt smile*

PPPS. That’s it.. go hug your family now

PPPPS. I MEAN IT! SHOO

Christmas 2011

 My sincere wishes for a Merry Christmas and a Vapey Holiday Season

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