I’ve been silly with my PV for the 12th time
Let us assume today that you happened to be going out for a cup of coffee. It’s an important business meeting over coffee in fact. So with great effort because of your bad back (yes, still bad) you start dressing up like a penguin put on your finest suit and picked up your finest smelling juice. Just so you don’t run out if the meeting takes longer you pick up an extra little bottle of juice just as you are going out the door.
Arriving at the coffee shop you spot a chair and take a sit. Only to find you have sat down on the juice bottle (you idiot!).
DON’T PANIC
First of all take a second to be thankful that the bottle wasn’t glass and it just got squished instead of getting lodged up your.. you get the picture. Now there’s a bunch of ways to deal with this:
The Subtle Way:
Make sure your ass doesn’t leave the chair for as long as you are at the coffee shop, when it’s time to leave make sure you conveniently cover your ass with your jacket.
The Blame the Shop Way:
As soon as you sit down, jump right up and in a good assertive (somewhat angry) voice say “What on earth was in this chair?!” make sure to keep the language clean enough so you don’t get angry stares from parents and proods. Ask to speak to the manager and demand free coffee for at least a month, mentioning stuff like “health hazard” goes a long way! DO NOT DRAG THIS OUT TOO LONG, don’t want to cost a cleaner their job.
The Honest Way:
Make sure you say something along the lines of “Oh man I forgot I had that bottle in my back pocket” loud enough so people hear it and they don’t think you had a different sort of accident.
The Embarrassed Way:
As soon as you realise the wet stain on your pants get up and run to the car to go home and change, make sure to wave your hands on the air and make screechy noises to maximize the effect. Mumbling something in a high pitched voice also helps.
The Blame the Weather Way:
This only works if it’s raining sadly. Pretend you left something in the car and go out in the rain, spend 5mins standing in the rain by which time you’ll be soaked (and probably have pneumonia) which will cover the juice stain.
What way did I choose? Well let’s just say I managed to sit through my business meeting at a lovely cafe, with the sympathy of the man I was meeting for work.. and got free coffee for a month! Face saved!
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